Do you have FHPTS?

Why is it I'm very willing to offer help to others, be willing to do whatever I can to help someone in need and do it happily.  Then why is it when I'm in need, having a tough time I get what I call the 500 pound telephone syndrome (FHPTS).  Convinced I am terminally unique I spoke to two friends last week about this and their heads began to nod that they knew exactly what I was talking about.  Really!!  I knew I had stumbled on something only I did.  Guess not!

I've had difficult times in my life and the thought of picking up the phone, calling a friend and saying "I need help" is just almost unthinkable to me and always has been.  Why?  Why do I not trust my friends to be there when I need them? What in my wiring tells me I'm not worth it, I don't want to be a bother, I'll just deal with it myself.  Why am I like this?  I honestly don't know.  As a result of this suffering from FHPTS I have to decide,  leave the phone hung up or figure out how to put on my big girl panties, pick it up, dial it and ask for help.

I swear the person who created and answering machine, voice-mail and caller ID had FHPTS.  The best way to hide from those who are there to help you are these inventions.  I'm thinking that the person who invented peep holes were the early sufferer of FHPTS but I'm not completely sure about that since I don't know when it was invented.

When I'm having a flare up of FHPTS it's normally when I'm having a very difficult time in my life, emotional, physical, financial or combinations of all of these things.  Rather than call for help I will sit and try to do things alone.  Avoid phone calls from friends, which I have found leave them thinking they have done something wrong and I'm upset with them, which is the furthest thing from the truth.  The truth is I need them badly, but can't tell them that.    NOTE: I can have FHPTS when things are good too, I'm not picky about when I can't pick up that phone.

When battling a FHPTS episode recently a friend of mine had been calling me almost weekly and getting nothing but my voice mail.  She would leave sweet voice mails to have me call every time and I would listen, delete and ignore.  Finally, one evening I answered and after making sure she knew it was nothing she had done I broke down and told her of my difficult time.  Without hesitation she booked a time to meet me to talk the next day.  Smacking my head almost immediately after getting off the phone I was almost instantly overcome with the urge to call and cancel and a text message vibrated in my hand and I looked down.  The text simply said, "No cancelling tomorrow, see you then."  Huh...maybe I had been found out.  I went to my lunch and came home after talking things over feeling renewed, loved and not the slightest bit embarrassed for talking about my problems.  Maybe I was winning the battle of FHPTS.

I got an email two or three days later from another friend I had been avoiding and knew I could take the steps of picking up that 500 pound telephone and say, hi...want to meet and talk?  And a very discouraging thing happened.  I couldn't do it.  I was in a full fledged FHPTS attack and couldn't do it.  Wow, guess I'm not any better, now what?  Knowing I didn't get this realization over night, I guess I'm not going to get over it that easy either.  I had to successfully avoid a couple more calls and emails before I big girl pantied up and responded.  Immediately was invited to attend a dinner with several friends who wanted to check on me as part of a group and I accepted.  Next email within 5 minutes is, see you tomorrow you can't cancel.  Hmmm I think my friends have figured me out.  I did attend, laughed, shared and enjoyed my night.

These same instances can be relayed over and over without changing much of the details, so I think you get the point.

The bottom line is I am the walking definition of insanity, doing the same thing over an over again expecting the different result.  Ok, so do I keep this up or figure out how to break my own bad cycle.  Well I'm not expecting things to change instantly, but I did make a decision the other day to reach out to someone first and see if they wanted to go to lunch and catch up.  You know what?  They said yes and no one cancelled and we have a great visit!

Have a kicked the FHPTS issue?  No, I don't think so, I'm just aware and hopefully can remember more quickly each time it kicks in that I'm aware and try and pick up that damn phone!

If you suffer from Five Hundred Pound Telephone Syndrome, know you aren't alone and also know your friends and family need you to need them and are there to help you!

Cheers!