What the Hell...

I think one of the things that women don't talk about very well is, getting older.  I don't mean going from 19 to 20, I’m talking things sprouting and noises that I never heard before outside of a scary Halloween movie.  That being said, I think it’s important for us women to stick together and be honest with each other.  And for you men, we know you have things going on too!  But anyway, I’ll go first.  I have had things appear that I thought to myself "wow, no one ever said to look out for that" and some things I think as women we owe each other to warn each other about.  I mean after all, we are all in this growing older thing together aren't we?

So after making a decision that I would write out my thoughts, experiences and other embarrassing things I sat down at my computer and froze!  What will people think?  What do I think?  Can I do this? And I heard a quote on the radio that said if you write for whoever is reading it you won’t write an honest book/story.  That gave me the guts to continue.  I wrote this over a year ago, but the life lesson still applies.  Grab your lemonade and let’s go!

“What the hell... was that smell?”

Rolling over in the morning and hearing an escape from my backside that woke the dog and made the cat leave the room in a hurry prompted me to say, “What the hell was that?”   Once I woke up completely, calm the dog and located the cat three rooms away I backtracked my routine, which hadn’t changed since I was four years old.  Except today that build up of gas no longer escaped like a dainty lady like poof of air.  Today it sounded like an air horn of a passing eighteen wheeler we use to pray for as kids in the back seat of our parents Buick and it came out of my own butt.   Horrified, I try to retrace all dietary intakes resulted in nothing unusual to have caused such a ruckus.  Chalking this up to just a random act of gas I went on with my day knowing in my heart of heart this was a fluke. 

Next morning knowing I’m going to concentrate hard on all bodily activity I’m awakened by thunder outside.  The dog is now off the bed, cat is gone, and my parrot is voicing his displeasure.  I say out loud, “Sorry gang, not my fault! Everyone settle down.”  I look out the window to see the storm that is rolling in.  Hmm no clouds, no wind, no rain.  What the hell was that sound?  I sit back and am horrified to think that clap of thunder might have been me and my betraying butt again.   Looking at my dog I say, “That wasn't me” as if somehow Jiggs is going to nod reassuringly and back me up on this.  Ok, that didn't help, so I call the cat, which by the way is named Stinky, unfortunate, but I didn't name him and tried to get another vote in my corner that the thunder wasn't from my own down under.  Stinky, sitting at the back door now, upset that for the second morning in a row his slumber has been disturbed by my body betraying me and he wants nothing more to do with me, it's abundantly clear. I give up trying to obtain his vote and I open the door and announce he’s a trader. His tail swishes and he pads out the door to find some much needed peace and quiet and what I can only imagine with his sensitive nose, fresh air.

I wander in disbelief back to my room, sit on the side of the bed in a dead stare and try and figure out how to go on.  Wondering is this just the start of things to come?  The answer to that is a resounding YES!  But for now we will start here.  And I'll share more later!